Why we started?


Hello ♡ I am Amanda. And this is my partner, Darren.

Ever since I was 7 years old, I never acknowledged the value of self-love. I never listen to my own needs nor people listen to me. My confidence was super low as I was feeling ugly wearing an eye patch and spectacles due to an eye muscle condition called Amblyopia aka Lazy Eyes.

I wore the eye patch for 2 years. However, I was still feeling the same way even when I am not wearing it anymore. Eventually, I still have to wear spectacles. I had a constant mindset that wearing spectacles makes me very ugly. Until when I was 13 years old, I started wearing contact lenses. It made me feel better temporarily. But I was still not comfortable in my own skin.

I am also chubby in nature. I did not eat during school recess and even lunch sometimes even though I am super hungry. I always had that thought in mind that people will be disgusted to see me eat as I am fat. I was so afraid of people judging me. I did slim down but in return, I had gastric problems.

In various relationship that I was in, I did not value my self-worth. I was feeling inferior. It went on for close to 10 years.

I started working after my Degree in Psychology and Management. I chose to work with children with special needs as I want to help them. However, the politics was too overwhelming for me.

I left and studied Diploma in Early Childhood Teaching. I worked as a Preschool Teacher for 3 years. There are many times I was burnt out but I did not listen to myself. Many times, I was overwhelmed, I did not speak up. At the same time, there were some transition on-going in my family.

It affected me and caused my mental well-being to deteriorate. I was reluctant to go to work. I will cry when I wake up. It lasted for a year. It led me to quitting my job. I know something was wrong with me. But I kept shoving it aside. Until one day, I could not take it. I went to see a Psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. Me? Really?

I was in denial and defensive mode. I started to think that my family hates me. I started to have so many recurring negative thoughts. I was living in fear. I had no job. I do not know what is my next step. There was no motivation and drive in my life. Everyday, I only can lie on bed and wished that I will not wake up. I developed suicidal thoughts but I kept pulling myself back into reality. I started to get panic attacks out of no where. I was living on the edge. My mental condition was in a mess.

I finally told my partner that I needed to see the Psychiatrist again to get medication this time. Because I cannot take it anymore. After eating medication, I feel a lot calmer and able to focus better. I thought there was a glimpse of hope for my recovery. Soon after, I finished my second dose of medication. I still felt the same way, even worse. I am not trying to put medication down but I knew that to feel better, I need to build from within myself.

I decided to stand up against my constant negative thoughts. Hence, I started Lylac Studio, formerly Lilac Hut as a platform in June 2020 to share visuals / quotes and writing articles relating to self-love to motivate myself and to remind people who are in need for self-love.

I believe that self-love is a never ending journey.

Thus, my slogan is ” Make a Promise to Love Yourself”.

We understand that everyone have different coping mechanism to deal with negative thoughts / feelings.

Therefore, we also collaborate with creative platforms that works well with self-loving. Come join us in a self-love adventure! All are welcome! ♡

“Make a promise to love yourself”

Lylac Studio